Teamwork
by Unwanted Backpack
Summary: The various teams get together to discuss a problem. AU


Disclaimer: I don't own, please don't sue.

Once upon a time. There was a really, really big dragon named Sanada. He was a very scary dragon and would regularly terrorize humans. He would attack Rikkailand and Seigakuland and Hyouteiland. Hyouteiland was a particular favorite for some reason. Anyway, all kingdoms were equally devastated by his fiery breath.

One day, the kings of all the lands gathered together. Well, every king except for one. The king of Rikkailand was mysteriously ill, and therefore could not attend.

The kings, unfortunately, could not get along. The only thing that could be agreed upon was that something had to be done. The discussions went on for days and days. The king of Seigaku and Hyoutei did most of the arguing. Although... very little of their arguing had anything to do with Sanada. The meetings almost ended when the King of Seigaku dared to imply that Hyouteiland was probably attacked most often because the King of Hyoutei was such a bitch.

The kings came to the conclusion that they would not be able to work together. Therefore they had a secret ballot to determine which kingdom would deal with the dragon. It was all done very professionally. Rikkailand won unanimously by this popular vote. I would like to say that this is because the other kings thought that Rikkailand would be best equipped to deal with the dragon. Unfortunately, I suspect that this decision had more to do with the King of Rikkai's absence and therefore inability to retaliate in any way.

A messenger was sent to Rikkailand with the decision. However, it was a really long time before he arrived because someone gave him the wrong directions.

In the meantime, Sanada continued to rampage. All of the kingdoms suffered under the attacks. Rikkailand seemed to suffer the most though, because there was no king to lead the people in rebuilding. Rikkai quickly became the worst kingdom in all of the land. Crime rates and unemployment rose. The GDP was lower than it had ever been before. Worst of all, the stock market crashed.

It was then that the messenger arrived. He had a snarky little mouth and was very quick to note that Rikkailand needed some improvement. He told the King's court, Renji, Niou, Yagyuu, Marui, and Jackal, all about how their country needed improvement. Oh. And he told them the message.

The court was very upset about having to deal with Sanada, especially since they were having enough trouble dealing with domestic problems.

Yagyuu rubbed his eyes (glasses hadn't been invented yet, which was sad because he could not glint at people) "I suppose we have to do this. It was decided by vote."

"It might not be so bad," Niou smirked, "After all. Dragons have lots of things to steal."

"There's a 98 chance the dragon eats us on sight." Renji said sullenly.

"Mmm. Eat. I'm sort of hungry." There was a pause in the conversation as everyone glared at Marui.

"Right," Jackal said. He was the first to look away from Marui. "There's no use complaining about this." Jackal instantly regretted saying it though because his companions started looking at him. It was a look that Jackal knew meant that they were going to make him do something. Something unpleasant. And, given the current situation...

"Jackal?" One of them said, "Go take care of the dragon please?"

Jackal spent three days preparing for his trip to confront Sanada. In those days he never once complained about his misfortune. His companions felt sort of bad about it though and tired to comfort him with vague (and sometimes sexually charged) promises of making it up to him if he survived. It would have been more comforting if they had seemed more certain of his survival.

And so, Jackal was off. His horse was weighed down with supplies and his pack was huge. Jackal was expecting-- hoping-- for a long journey. As fate would have it, Sanada's lair was about two miles outside of Rikkailand. It was a wonder no one had noticed it sooner.

Sanada had made his home in a huge scary cave with plenty of stalagmites and stalactites. The entrance was littered with bones. Human bones! And it was creepy.

Jackal took a deep breath and pulled out his sword. Unfortunately, his sword was not the huge and shiny sword he put into the sheath last night, but a wooden one! "What the...?" Jackal stared at the sword for a moment, then turned to face Rikkailand. "Dammit, Niou! Is this your idea of a joke!" Of course, Niou did not hear Jackal on account of being two miles away. And, of course, Jackal knew that Niou wouldn't hear him. But sometimes, shouting about things makes a person feel better, even when they know it won't really do any good.

However, on account of being, at most, one hundred meters away, Sanada did hear Jackal. The dragon stirred in it's sleep and opened one eye. It looked at the cave's other inhabitant, a dark haired girl. "Was that you?" Sanada asked in between yawns. The girl, who upon closer inspection seems to be a boy who was, inexplicably, in a girl's dress, shook his head. Upon even further inspection, it became apparent that the boy was gagged and chained to a wall. There was no doubt that this was captive that the dragon was ransoming for money. "It wasn't you?" The boy nodded that time. The dragon glared in the general direction of the cave's entrance, "Damn teenagers." And on that note, Sanada went back to sleep.

Back outside, Jackal had calmed down and was bravely looking at the cave again. A normal person would have left at this point. They would have run to Seigaku or maybe Hyoutei and started a new and exciting life as a merchant. Or maybe they would have returned to Rikkai and killed Niou. Both were things a normal person would have done.

Jackal was not a normal person.

Jackal stepped towards the cave. He slowly walked through the entrance. He walked right up to Sanada and said, "Dragon! I have come to kill you!"

Sanada opened his eyes again. He glared at Jackal. He was really getting tired of the old "scary dragon fights and kills valiant knights" routine. It was then that Sanada realized something. Something ridiculous. Something that mad him laugh, maybe for the first time in years. "You?" He cackled, "You're completely unarmed!"

"I know I may be unarmed. And I know to you I probably look like something tasty to eat. But I promised my friends I would vanquish you or die trying so--" Jackal looked up, and was surprised to discover that the dragon was not paying any attention to him at all. In his laughter, Sanada had accidentally set his captive's gown on fire and was frantically trying to put the fire out with little success. Dragons don't have opposable thumbs. Buckets are difficult to use without opposable thumbs. That's why dragons don't like buckets. In fact, it was sort of surprising that Sanada had a bucket at all.

"Oh! I'll get that!" Jackal said. He quickly put out the fire. "There." He said, "Now I believe you were about to eat me?" Instead, Sanada sat down and sighed. Jackal suddenly realized that maybe rampaging and eating people wasn't all it was cracked up to be. After all, it was obvious the dragon had difficultly keeping friends. He had to chain down the only one he seemed to have. Jackal sat down next to the dragon and realized that he too was unhappy. Rikkailand was falling apart without a strong leader. And that was when Jackal had an idea! An idea that would solve both of their problems!

Jackal told Sanada all about Rikkailand. He told Sanada all about the crime rates and stock market and especially the GDP. Then he told Sanada what Rikkailand could be like. "The best country in the world!" he said. "But," he explained, "Our King, Yukimura. He's sick. He could die. Without Yukimura, or a strong leader like him, Rikkailand will never reach it's full potential. Sanada, I think you could help it reach that potential. You could help Rikkailand."

Sanada thought about this for a while. "I don't know." Sanada said, "I'm not sure if I want to commit to running a kingdom."

"Just do it until Yukimura gets better."

"Alright. But you have to do something for me."

"What?" Jackal asked, wondering what he could possibly do for Sanada.

"Take that guy off of my hands." Sanada gestured towards the chained up boy.

Jackal looked at the boy. Obviously, the first task would be untieing him. Jackal quickly removed the chains and then the gag. But then! The boy latched on to Jackal's arm with his teeth! Like a leech or maybe some sort of rabid dog.

"Someone gave him to me as a virgin sacrifice," Sanada explained, "His name's Kirihara."

"Wah! Get it off! I don't want it anymore!" Jackal cried.

And so, Sanada the dragon became acting king of Rikkailand. He only rampaged when the people were bad and under his rule, Rikkai prospered. It did indeed become the best country in the world.

Upon his return Jackal got lots of sexual favors and Kirihara chewed on him less and instead chewed on Renji, who seemed to like it. He never got Niou back for the sword switching prank.

Sanada still occasionally rampages other countries. Mostly Hyoutei for some reason.

THE END


End file.
